Are you guilty of using too much corporate jargon? Find out with our list of the most annoying business phrases.
In the era of “solutions” and “networking,” business world jargon terms are used that make most of us sick. A few weeks ago I read an article about common terms and felt compelled upon reading the term to write down immediately what came to mind. Be ware…this tongue-in-cheek essay is not for those in love with corporate speak.
Think outside the box
Take advantage of all that’s inside the box before moving outside it you moron.
“Win-win” situation
Have you ever noticed the person saying this is the one trying to convince you what a great deal they’re shoving down your throat?
Robust
How I want my bank account. A ‘robust feature set’ usually means you have lots of junk I really don’t need.
Skill set
A skill set is what I want in someone I’m dating. As for your company, I’d be happy if you just did what you said you would.
No worries
This means you won’t give a damn once you screw up my order…peace, love, happiness and pass the Kool-Aid.
Too much on my plate
Who cares? Deal with it. Don’t you know there are brokers starving on Wall Street?
Accountable
OK. So everyone is accountable. Now who on your team is in charge?
Engaged
Most engagements end in divorce. Leave me alone and go be passionate about something.
Passionate
Save your passion for your lover. I just want you to care.
Work smarter
Generally a phrase a dumb ass manager utters to a totally dumb ass “team member”.
Team Member
The ‘other’ person blamed when your project gets screwed up.
In the loop
Generally used to mean, “Let me expand the size of the noose so you hang along with the rest of us.”
Going forward
We screwed that one up so let’s try something else.
Synergy
This is a mystical term with many applications. It is most often applied to situations which will soon be defined by missed sales projections and lower cost savings than forecasted.
We need 110%
And by the way we’re controlling costs and need you to take 10 days unpaid leave.
Scenario
What no one is the room believes will actually happen.
At the end of the day
Wait a minute…with downsizing, cell, PDA, Twitter and the rest you actually see the end of the day?
Solution Provider
Something a mother is to her baby. As for your industry, how can you all be solution providers when you all do the same things and don’t understand my problems?
Touch base
Touching things in the workplace = lawsuit and H.R. hassles to come.
